We’ve all been there. Stumbling confidently from the doors of town’s most salubrious joint only to be struck down with immediate indecision.
How do you rescue yourself from morning oblivion? Simple. One guilt free doner kebab, please! Here’s why:
- It’s fancy foreign food
Because we all love fancy foreign grub! Do you want to be a down-on-their-luck type cramming chips down your beak? Or do you want to be captain sophisticate; daintily unwrapping your foil wrapped overseas experience? Aaaaaaah.
2. Just look at all that salad!
Yep, it’s the bit you always forget, just look at all that greenery crammed into stainless steel trays. Your mother would be proud of you as ask for the lot (just not the raw tomatoes, they’re manky) with extra onions. It’s got to be healthy, it has to be!
3. Essential morning carb-loading
Let’s face it, tomorrow morning you will be feeling like a floor sausage at an especially dusty barbecue, and will need all the energy you can get just to keep from dribbling. What better energy source than the flat, doughy, fluffy monster that is a kebab pita? It’s like a pillow for you insides!
4. One last chance to be centre stage
Bars are closing and dancefloors are emptying rapidly, there is no more time for dance moves to demonstrate just how alpha you are. There is however still time for the immortal-never-regretted refrain of: “I’ll have the hot chilli sauce, please.” With optional glance at any potentially impressed future partners around.
5. It’s probably low fat
Sure, just look at it! Standing proud in the shop window, with all the fat dribbling off the meat and away… Clearly, having pondered the situation, this truly is the healthy option! Might even be time for a Diet Coke, and go the whole nine yards and only take the light mayo. The scales will thank you in the morning.
6. It’s a kebab, stupid.
We all know there is only one true cure, and that is lashings of meat. Yeah that Subway smells immense and is possibly on a par with the salad levels of your monster kebab, but no way in a hell are you going to survive the next 24 hours with two paltry slices of ham to keep your digestive system company!
So go for it people of the world, reach for squishy folded meat sack of salvation, and join me for a kebab!